I awoke this morning with a new feeling; a feeling I haven't had in a really long time. I woke up ready to work out. I woke up feeling ready to move past my fears and in the direction of my dreams. I woke up and didn't eat for breakfast, the dreamy little lemon meringue pie I made yesterday. I woke up feeling prepared to do what it takes. I woke up feeling done with being fat.
I have been struggling with the body that pregnancy has left me with. I vowed to begin working out as soon as the baby was in this world; as soon as my feet resembled something other than potatoes; as soon as the nausea would allow me to eat a salad again. But things took a wicked twist and I was taken out by an emergency C-section and long recovery. Despite me being immobile, the weight began to drop off with breastfeeding alone. I lost 40 of the 55 pounds in what seemed like weeks…melted…gone. The procrastinator in me rejoiced and I put off formal exercise and diet for a later date.
Well that date has arrived and I have been stuck at this weight (15 pounds higher than my pre-pregnancy weight which was already above my ideal weight) for months now and it is getting old. Seriously. I am still breastfeeding and will continue to do so until February at minimum (another post could be written on this topic), but the frequency has dwindled during the days as I follow her lead.
My goal is to lose 25 pounds. Like Oprah, I can't believe I am still talking about this. I can't believe I am still battling with this.
Today feels different. Maybe it is because I am coming out of the facebook fog, or maybe it is due to the sheer amounts of Wayne Dyer wisdom I have been listening to in the past week. Whatever the reason, I woke up with a renewed outlook on the topic. Instead of focusing on the end, I will focus on today. Instead of looking at the huge task ahead, I will focus on the tiny decisions. Each day I will arrive and feel well. I will stop holding myself to impossible standards. I will be patient and kind with myself. I will celebrate the small triumphs.
Now lets just hope I wake up with a similar clarity tomorrow.