The End.

Chickenssoftsun

I am certain that I will be closing the doors to the Apples for Poppy Anne blog shortly.

I have many reasons and perhaps if Typepad were not so expensive and tricky to use I would keep it in the wings for another day, but it is not easy nor is it cheap, so instead I will save the entries I have made and then delete my account.

I realize that I have become too edited and have painted myself into a corner in which I don't want to write anymore.  My dear friend Rae said a beautiful thing to me when I made the decision, so beautiful in fact that I must share:

"Write and create first and foremost for you…it is your gift to yourself. and ultimately, i think, to everyone else. your public voice has been a joy and a breath of sweet fresh air. but what matters most is that you keep letting your stories come out…and if public blogging is hindering that, then yes, let it go.
you are perfect and enough, whether another blog post is ever written or not.
just keep being erin – beautiful, creative, reflective, dreaming, questioning, honest, human, erin.
that's what the world really needs.
your voice will be heard through your living."

may gentle days lay ahead…
rae

 

And so I have begun writing in a new and quiet space of my own…

This space is just for me.

A quiet place to record the most mundane events of my life.
A place where I can swear and spit and ache.
A place to be the dork that I am and celebrate the small triumphs.
A place without obligation or judgement.
A place where I don't have to be clever or interesting or crafty.
An unedited, often pretty, and sometimes ugly room of my very own.
Finally.

Just me, my camera, my words, my experiences…

Just as I see them.

With a deep sigh of relief, I begin this new phase.

Before I leave, I would like to first share a new ritual from The Simple Woman's Daybook.  It is a wonderful way to make you think creatively about your day while also recording the tiny details of life.  I leave you with today's entry:

From my picture journal…I haven't taken a photo in nearly a month (something I hope to remedy soon), but luckily I have some pretty ones in the vault {pictured at the top of this post.}

Outside my window…snowflakes are swirling about as though we are living in a snowglobe. My heart aches either for spring or a perfect dumping of snow to keep Mike home.

I am thinking…about what I will sell at the Bobcaygeon Farmer's Market.  Yipee!

I am thankful for…Oh so many things! Poppy and the little acorn in my belly and Mike and the farmer's market and orange chocolates and being a stay at home mama and feeling better and a clean house and Poppy's new sleep pattern and and and…

I am wearing…tragically unflattering, but intensely comfortable gray jogging pants, a pink tank top and a gray cardigan.  No makeup, no shower.  Apparently, I'm bringing sexy back.

I am remembering…where I came from, what I am about, why I write, and what matters.

I am going…slightly mad with winter.

I am currently reading…er…re-reading Anne of Avonlea. Yum.

I am hoping…that everything will be ok.

On my mind…money, but I am working on that.

Noticing that…I feel better when I keep moving and doing

Pondering these words…"…be the neutral witness…when it rains the sky does not get wet…when the sun blazes the sky does not burst into flames…learn how to be the neutral witness…" via Blackbird Studio Blog.

From the kitchen…homemade orange cream chocolates that would give Laura Secord a run for her money and re-heated homemade lasagna.

Around the house…despite the Tinsel's best efforts, the house is pretty tidy.

One of my favorite things…just one!? Today it would have to be watching Poppy devour a pear.

e.

P.S.  This letter inspires me beyond words and reminds me of the important things.

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29 Comments

  1. Posted February 10, 2010 at 2:56 pm by Desiree Fawn | Permalink

    You will be missed!
    However, I hope to see you in the real world sometime soon!

  2. Posted February 10, 2010 at 4:10 pm by nicole | Permalink

    the pebble in my pocket letter is great…just what i needed today.

  3. Posted February 10, 2010 at 4:17 pm by Ana | Permalink

    I will miss you and your realness.

  4. Posted February 10, 2010 at 5:45 pm by mamaloves | Permalink

    You will be missed. But I understand. When my girls turned one I stopped blogging as well. Good luck with everything.
    xoxoxox

  5. Posted February 10, 2010 at 5:47 pm by Chickadeeworkshop aka White Feather | Permalink

    I have totally enjoyed and valued your blog. I will miss it. Wishing you happiness, good health and lots more creativity.

  6. Posted February 10, 2010 at 5:49 pm by mamaloves | Permalink

    Erin, when is the Bobcaygeon Farmer’s Market?

  7. Posted February 10, 2010 at 9:11 pm by Lesa | Permalink

    :(

  8. Posted February 10, 2010 at 9:13 pm by erica | Permalink

    we met briefly once at the makers of things sale at rae’s house. i picked up a few special treats that day including a magnet from you. it was supposed to go to someone as a tiny christmas present but it never made it off my fridge. anyhow, i’ve read your blog since then. i just wanted to tell you that my little one will devour three juicy pears in a day and he’ll eat it entirely… core, seeds, and all if i let him and it makes me so happy. take wonderful care of yourself.

  9. Posted February 10, 2010 at 9:35 pm by Lisa Stone | Permalink

    You are not alone. I, too, have found it difficult to find a voice in my blog. I struggle between wanting to be honest and up front and feeling the need to be a very specific way in order to represent a confident business woman. It is something I can never figure out.
    Best of luck in being your authentic self. That is who you were meant to be.

  10. Posted February 10, 2010 at 10:05 pm by Joan | Permalink

    I’ll miss seeing you, even if I only know you in a virtual sense. I have never blogged and can only imagine how hard it is to put oneself out there for anyone to see. Thank you for letting us peek into your life, thoughts, hopes and dreams. Many wishes for good luck and good health!

  11. Posted February 10, 2010 at 10:52 pm by david | Permalink

    what you’ve done here is quite lovely
    i expect that whatever you do next will shine with its own loveliness
    rae gave you good words

  12. Posted February 10, 2010 at 11:08 pm by e | Permalink

    i don’t know you or even live in the same country, but somehow i stumbled across your blog one day and have been back again and again. i think it was one of those shadowy kindred spirit things. sometimes you seemed to be saying things that i was thinking but hadn’t figured out how to say. i’ll miss that. best of luck with all your new adventures!

  13. Posted February 10, 2010 at 11:14 pm by Jamie | Permalink

    What you did here inspired me to do the same. You have had a huge impact on my life. Thank you for that. Being pregnant changes us somehow and I think it is really important to honor that time. Be present in the process and not worry about all the other things in life. Be creative when you can and don’t feel bad about the times that you are not. As an artist I find it difficult to be creative while pregnant. Then one day someone pointed out that your creative centre and energy comes from your uterus and since it was so busy creating a new life now could there be much left over.

  14. Posted February 11, 2010 at 8:30 am by Michele | Permalink

    Thank you for sharing a tiny glimpse of your world. I wish you well with your pregnancy and pray for a healthy wee one. Your blog has been so inspiring and a joy to read, you will be missed.

  15. Posted February 11, 2010 at 1:22 pm by julie | Permalink

    You will be missed.

  16. Posted February 11, 2010 at 3:01 pm by jenny | Permalink

    Just today I was looking at my igoogle front page. I’m never on that page–save for today when I thought it’d be fun to add a goldfish app that I thought my 5-year-old would enjoy… Then I saw the link to your blog. I had forgotten I’d put it there. So I clicked. I have not been here since I first discovered it and clicked all around, but didn’t bookmark it (why did I think the igoogle would remind me the address?). So, here you are making a decision to say The End. And I can feel or hear the sigh and the levity coming through. I’m glad I was here for it. (I was just asking myself who I’m blogging for and how I would do it differently if I made it private–just for myself. I think I was looking for a connection in this 3rd place.) Congratulations on what I suppose is really The Beginning: adventures in a space all your own. Have fun!

  17. Posted February 11, 2010 at 3:05 pm by katy | Permalink

    sad for the blog, but incredibly happy for you, your home and growing family, and your writing! i saw this the other day and plan to so a post reflecting on it – you might like it, too: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/everyday-creativity
    thinking of you :)

  18. Posted February 11, 2010 at 4:29 pm by JoAnn | Permalink

    I’ll miss you Erin, but I understand! Blessings to you and your beautiful family. :)

  19. Posted February 12, 2010 at 12:50 am by heather | Permalink

    yay. i am excited for your return to your self, not that you ever left her, but i know you are now getting even closer, and that feels GOOD.

  20. Posted February 12, 2010 at 10:55 am by Kristine | Permalink

    Bless you, Erin, and thank you for sharing of yourself in your time here. I have enjoyed your blog, and wish you joy and discovery in your journey. And with your growing family!
    K.

  21. Posted February 12, 2010 at 11:15 pm by Lesa | Permalink

    I so wish you wouldn’t go. I really enjoy the peak into your life… the good, the bad and the ugly. Your voice is beautiful, no matter how you express it. You are free to make this be your space to share. People who fear your honesty will leave but you will draw more people to you because you are authentic.
    So, Typepad costs money but wordpress, blogger, and others don’t cost a thing.
    I’m sitting here watching the Olympic opening ceremonies and my thoughts keep turning to your voice in the north (to me) and how much of a loss your absence will be.

  22. Posted February 13, 2010 at 7:17 pm by Tasha | Permalink

    Thanks very much for sharing this sweet corner of your life–a little gift to the rest of us as a bit of inspiration and beauty to enjoy and ponder. Many of us relate to your trials and tribulations threaded with much love and laughter in the day-to-day. I appreciate the honesty that you’ve decorated this space with–and truly, it just makes me feel a kinship to you. All the best, Erin. xoxo…

  23. Posted February 13, 2010 at 8:51 pm by Cheryl | Permalink

    Oh, I loved your blog. Best wishes to you and your family. Thank you for sharing so much.

  24. Posted February 15, 2010 at 10:00 am by Linnea | Permalink

    I will miss this. It has been a pleasure to ‘see’ you come into your own as a mother. Traveling mercies on your journey.

  25. Posted February 16, 2010 at 6:33 pm by granolagirl | Permalink

    Oh Erin! Do you have to go? I guess I am still holding on to the hope that you will re-consider. Your blog was a breath of fresh air! I have found your words and pictures to be so inspiring. You will be truly missed. It was wonderful to see another Canadian blogger out there who is truly living an authetic life! All the best for you and your family!

  26. Posted February 17, 2010 at 6:37 pm by Lynn | Permalink

    I have really enjoyed following your blog. I have enjoyed your voice. I thank you for sharing a bit of yourself with the world. I am sad to see you go. Good luck in your journey and Thank You for the time you have given.

  27. Posted March 11, 2010 at 2:20 pm by Andrea | Permalink

    Erin! I’m just checking back into the blogosphere after a hiatus and I’m so saddened to read this news. I love your thoughtful words but understand your desire to part with this format. Please keep in touch – and visit anytime – and continue to live fully. Much love.

  28. Posted March 13, 2010 at 8:36 pm by exhale. return to center. | Permalink

    i am grateful for all you have shared here.
    and for “it begins with a colour” which helped me tap back into seeing the beauty of every day when round-the-clock-mama-ing had worn me thin.
    wishing you and your family the very best…
    ~erin

  29. Posted April 7, 2010 at 8:40 am by http://mysweetbabu.typepad.com | Permalink

    you are so talented…I can really realte to your feelings about the land of blog.
    After a much needed vacation, I have dabbled with the idea of writing again…not sure how that will be with 3 kiddos? But maybe we can chat on that side? Congrats to you and all the best in the wonderful things that are surely before you!
    alison

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