It all started with a song.
I have decided I need a makeover.
On so many levels.
I realized that I have never quite felt comfortable in my own skin. I remember feeling like a boob while my friend and I had clients not show up when we were in dental hygiene school (yeah). We were sent out into the halls in our over sized lab coats, ugly white shoes and unflattering scrubs to troll for people wanting their teeth cleaned. We both wanted to die as we entered a foyer filled with students. My friend stopped to chat with a girl he knew and she ended up giving us a piece of advice that I have carried with me ever since. A most unexpected sage. She told us in a rather valley girl voice that we needed to ‘pop our collars and own it’. Not what you expected right? Not exactly poetry, but I have found myself saying this under my breath whenever I feel uncomfortable in my own skin or a little inadequate. Something about it makes me shake off the demons and stand tall.
When you aren’t comfortable in your own skin, you give a lot of power up even when no one asks for you to do so. You over-compensate and apologize too much. You’re afraid to reach out for fear that you may not live up to every one’s expectations. You feel unoriginal and unworthy. You need constant external validation.
I want things that a lot of people don’t want and place value where others may not. I am only thirty, but am channeling my “inner gramma” with each passing day. Oh to sit beneath a tree with my loves listening to crickets sing. I have always been an animal person. I would sit for hours in the hay loft with the latest litter of kittens or puppies. I dream of waking up knowing the outdoor animals are calling us out despite the wind or heat. To spend the day in the hot sun weeding and tending and to become once again entwined with the natural rhythms of the earth and her creatures. I come from a long line of farmers and though I don’t have plans to be a full tilt farmer, my heart aches to have a house, some land, and some animals to tend to with my husband and children. I have such a strong desire to keep the traditional arts of spinning and sewing and being self-sustained. To rest tired bones after an honest day’s work with dirt stained hands and sun kissed shoulders.
I think this makeover will include some skirts and vintage dresses
and wearing pretty aprons for the sheer frivolity of it
and growing my hair long for the wind to braid and weave
Yeah, but I’m working on popping my collar and owning it.
I am working on being unapologetically me.
And everyone who thinks we are crazy for wanting what we want can come drink tea under the stars with us and watch the chickens and rabbits dance in the lush green grass.
go gently + be wonderful