words

Yesterday was a true feather + anchor day in which I fluttered about madly and Mike stayed the course; practical and unruffled.  I really don’t know how he does it.  My goodness how I wish I could be the anchor every once in a while.  I am a little tired of being in this tortured head to be honest.  If only I could settle this flapping in my rib cage and rest on a gentle wave for a spell.

These are the words defining me, keeping me awake, making me think and bringing me peace of late…

I am not a graceful person.  I am not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset.  I am a Tuesday 2am, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February.  My bones crack on a nightly basis.  I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness.  I sometimes believe that I don’t belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn’t happen.  The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm.  You don’t see the lightening, but you hear the echoes.  {source unknown}

I need to start making things again.  My itchy fingers tell me it is time.

 

go gently + be wonderful

e.

 

 

 

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11 Comments

  1. Posted April 23, 2012 at 6:33 pm by Amanda Neville | Permalink

    Gosh, thats some deep deepness. :) And again, as usual, those words belong to both of us. It reminds me of how I would express myself in writing years ago, and who I am today, especially the part about being a loner. Oh gosh, how I am a loner. Ive learned to embrace it though and it really makes my daily rhythms more smooth, less bumpy, wrapping myself around this truth and not trying to be someone I am not. Less is more I keep telling myself…less friends, less fluff, less outings for the kids, less places I have to be…less dirty laundry would be nice, but alas, I cant win them all.
    Anyway, its been a while since I commented. We have been busy with life. It certainly is sweeping me by.
    Yesterday I read this and thought of you. Thought Id share:
    http://powerofmoms.com/2012/04/your-children-want-you/
    Love to you and yours,
    Mandy

  2. Posted April 23, 2012 at 9:17 pm by katharine | Permalink

    I’m a middle of the night girl too, though maybe Monday…when the weight of the week just starts to rest it’s little behind on my shoulders. This last week, now bleeding into this week, has been all Monday 2am with bank appointments and running late to lessons and taxes (taxes!) to prepare. This week I’m relishing the run, long and quiet and alone or hard and fast and productive. It’s like my own little Sunday morning and I can tell I’m going to need it.

    (PS check your spam folder)

  3. Posted April 23, 2012 at 10:16 pm by Meryl | Permalink

    Those fellas that anchor us down sometimes–they’re awfully nice, yes?

  4. Posted April 24, 2012 at 12:02 am by Roxy | Permalink

    Hi, Erin . . . new-to-you blog reader here! Wanted to comment on your blog post earlier in the month (? I lose track of time!) about your two littles getting bigger but I started and got too emotional. :) Now I have to pop in because the words you chose to describe yourself fit me so well these days and it was nice to read those words. And to know that others feel that way, too. Anyway, love your blog and reading about your home so far away from mine. Hope all is well with your mother. Thanks for your lovely blog!

  5. Posted April 24, 2012 at 7:09 am by Stephanie K. | Permalink

    Kindred spirits, we two…I wish I were many things; peaceful and graceful I’m not, although I’m finding more and more moments of peace and grace as I get older.

  6. Posted April 24, 2012 at 10:47 am by Misty Pratt | Permalink

    My husband is such an anchor, and like you, I am the feather. I honestly don’t know how he deals with me, day in and out :)

  7. Posted April 24, 2012 at 12:57 pm by Teresa C | Permalink

    Making things is always a help, to me it is. Small or big, making is empowerful. And your things will be full of beauty.

  8. Posted April 24, 2012 at 8:01 pm by T | Permalink

    you’re beautiful. you’re perfect. you are giving such a gift with this blog.

    • Posted April 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm by erin | Permalink

      Wow.
      you have no idea how much that means to me.
      Thank you
      e.

  9. Posted April 25, 2012 at 11:01 am by Stephinie | Permalink

    I loved this. I adore you. Truly. You belong in some way to all of us who come here to read your words, to share in your story, to feel a kindred connection.
    xo
    s

    • Posted April 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm by erin | Permalink

      Those are some of the kindest words ever spoken.
      thank you
      e.

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