Monthly Archives: February 2013
The usual journey inward has begun. My pattern is always the same, I pull away from everything and everyone but those who live in my house in the first trimester. I had nearly forgotten just how uncomfortable pregnancy is for me. Each time I find out I am pregnant and I hope against hope that this will be the one I enjoy. I will finally understand what all those women who love being pregnant are talking about. Then it hits and I am rendered useless and I instantly allow that to define me as though I have always been and will forever be an unproductive, weeping heap on the couch. I tried going back to the archives to see how I felt during Silas’ pregnancy because I can hardly recollect it, but there was nothing. Just a silent space and tumbleweeds. It’s how I roll.
Silas is still insisting that I have two babies in my belly (a boy and a girl) and Poppy continues to go back and forth. We look forward to finding out what we’re having this time around. Whatever it is though I can assure you it will be made of condensed soup, and white bread just as his or her brother and sister were.
We watched Away We Go over the weekend and I wept from beginning to end. I had seen it before, but never at this stage of our lives. The music is all Alexi Murdoch and it became apparent that I incapable of listening to a note of his music without crying. I first heard his music in Garden State (another movie and soundtrack that had a huge impact on us). It was an interesting contrast of the two lives we’ve had. All the ideals we thought we’d be living by our ages today. All the debt we would have paid off. What awesome and pulled together parents and adults we’d be. As I watched the movie I felt as though we could have been watching ourselves. “Do I really have to be this uncool for the rest of my life?” “Are we fuck ups?”. Somewhere in the middle of the extremes, not entirely sure of where we fit.
I can hardly wait for Mike to bring home tomatoes and white bread so I can eat a toasted tomato sammie with mayo, salt and pepper.
go gently + be wonderful
- We had our first appointment with the new midwives . I will be having a third c-section, but prefer midwifery care for my pregnancies. It makes me feel a lot more in control and relaxed. Seriously, everyone should go to a midwife regardless of what kind of birth you plan on having. They are great. When I came out of the office, Poppy lifted my shirt and asked where the baby was.
- I feel miserable. The all day nausea has arrived two weeks earlier than anticipated.
- Poppy put her head on my belly and I asked if she could hear the baby in there. She looked concerned and said “I don’t hear him (she is 50/50 on the boy girl thing, alternates frequently) I think he ran to the store to get bananas.” Also, I feel as though I could sleep until May.
- I heard somewhere that siblings are usually right about the sex of an unborn baby so we ask them frequently. They go back and forth often and just yesterday Silas informed me there was a boy and a girl in my belly. Funny kid.
- Seriously, will someone please give this girl a hot dog. Or a foot long tuna sub. That’s what dreams are made of right now.
- This already feels endless.
- The End
a day saved by a fun song
Skype with Newfoundland family
a painted birthday cake for Grampa
a happy dino + a pretty little painter
A visit with family at Ellenberger Organic Farm
organic potatoes +chocolate cake pops
Baby name talk all the way home (I think we’ve decided)
a cold house + a nice fire
Yes, yes, you read that test right. We are in fact pregnant with baby number three! It is very early and it may not be proper baby etiquette to share so early, but we are terrible keepers of secrets. It would seem that Poppy was actually the first to know about it though! She had drawn the above family portrait (minus the little red baby) weeks earlier and we had it hanging on the fridge. About a week before we found out, she went to the fridge with a red pen and drew the extra little body into our family. When we asked who it was she said it was the baby. Like whoa.
To be honest, we thought we were done, but if I am being really honest, I mostly just wanted to be done being pregnant. I am not sure that I ever stopped wanting a third. We even went so far as to look up the number of the local “Gentle Vasectomy Clinic” only to find that they had closed the month before due to retirement. I took it as a sign; Mike was just plain relieved.
Pregnancy and I have never been really great friends, but we tolerated each other…barely. This time I am going to speak with my Naturopath in hopes of finding a homeopathic solution for the all day nausea that has already begun to show itself and generally lasts until about 16 weeks. The bean soup I have loved for the past year is the first food aversion and Mike couldn’t be happier to see it leave our meal plan. Now, I know nausea isn’t an unusual symptom to deal with, but it knocks me into a non-productive, low grade depression, and early weight gain. So, in hopes of enjoying this final pregnancy, I will attempt to nip it in the bud early. Please feel free to share your own nausea-busting methods with me!
Well, don’t I just sound all matter of fact! We are giddy and excited to add to our little family, but it feels so different from our first and even our second. We feel a bit wiser, we know what it means with regards to sleep, and siblings, and outings. I also know not to worry about my heart being big enough for all this love because I have felt it happen before. We also know this will teach us things only three children could teach us. We have no doubt that it will be both insane and, ultimately, wonderful!
Well, there you have it folks! News as it happens, and I am so happy to share the happy news with everyone.
go gently + be wonderful
So far, I have really been enjoying the 365 photo project. It has pushed me to blog words I didn’t think I had and it has been healthy and liberating allowing myself to write about the little things. If you have not already, I encourage you to give it a shot and leave a link in the comments if you feel so inclined.
Yesterday also marked the end of our first month of serious budget living. It was an event that was more empowering than I had first thought possible. We did very well and managed to cut our grocery bill nearly in half while also paying a substantial amount down on our line of credit. We also managed to stay out of overdraft for the entire month. Instead of feeling poor, we feel rich. Who would have thought it!?
This budget and having time to really look at my relationship with shopping has really begun to shake me down. I have been wanting to go through my over stuffed closet and reduce my clothes DRASTICALLY to about 20 beloved and classic items. I linked to this image a week ago and have been wondering if I could be ruthless enough to do it. I know it is time to let go of all those jeans I wore when we began dating nearly 10 years ago. I would also love to let go of the giant clothes I wore during my pregnancies; you see, instead of buying proper maternity clothes I just bought big things and looked like a house because of it (Oh how very thrifty of me). There are clothes that are just a smidge too small or unflattering or uncomfortable, but I hold onto them because I like the colour, the fabric, or the quality or even have a memory attached to it. I am thinking I could sort it, put it all in bags and then hide it in our loft for a few weeks. If something haunts me, I can dig it out, but if I can’t remember or don’t miss it, it is time to let friends pick out what they’d like and then cart it off to the local charity thrift store. I think I am ready.
Yesterday, our basement/crawl space flooded. At first we thought it was due to the insane January downpour we had the day before, but it turns out it was a clogged drainage pipe from our washing machine. At any rate, it was enough to drive us both to distraction. It made me really question why we even keep all that stuff hidden away. It just allows us to continue to hold onto things that no longer serve us well. We forget we have the items or we forget where they are and then buy new items only to find duplicates a year later. Well, we managed to purge a good car load full of stuff yesterday and have a lot more to purge.
When Mike and I moved in together, I had never really lived on my own except for the 8 months I spent in a dorm room at college whereas he had already been on his own for years. I arrived with a giant Uhaul truck full of things while everything he owned fit into his little Honda Civic hatchback. We are very different people when it comes to stuff. I am a nester; a collector; the safe one. He, on the other hand, forms no attachment to his things, but had dropped everything so he could live in Uganda for 6 months before we had met. I know now who had the better stories to tell. I think, after nearly 10 years, we are about to find a happy middle ground.
We have all heard the quote ““Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful”, but I think is time to really start living by those words. Our house would not be considered “tiny living” at 1700 square feet, but we would like to start living by smaller means. It is very true that the more stuff you have the more time you spend fretting over losing it, cleaning it, rearranging it, and maintaining it. I get what the monks are trying to tell us now. This may sound extreme to some, but the truth is, we ate better this month on nearly half of what we were spending in previous months, and I think we could be very happy with less, but higher quality stuff.
So yes, I feel motivated, hopeful, and even a little shaken up (in the best sort of way) by this budget adventure. It is motivating to see that it is possible to stay out of overdraft and not have to dip into a line of credit. It makes me hopeful that we can have the things we want (it may just take a little longer) and that by me saving us money in the kitchen, it is just as good as me making money. I am shaken up when I think of how I have filled small voids in my own landscape with things and shopping.
It’s time to get ruthless. Will you join me?
go gently + be wonderful