Category Archives: the anchor
counting my blessings
Today we had planned to take the kids out to the free admission Peterborough Zoo and for ice cream.
Last night we found our car won’t start.
It isn’t the battery.
The car gods must have heard we are planning to trade in our car for a slightly larger family vehicle this Wednesday.
This sort of thing, this feeling of powerlessness and frustration, tends to send me in to a panicky tail spin.
Mike is piling and splitting wood to burn off the worry.
I thought it may be a good idea to count my blessings and compile a short list of what I am grateful for.
- We are all healthy and well.
- Two vibrant, happy children and another on the way.
- Mike’s wonderful job with wonderful benefits.
- Our house in the country.
- I get to be a stay at home mom and homeschool.
- Poppy’s empathy/sympathy and resislient nature, wild hair, and sticky-uppy toes.
- Silas’ intensity, eyebrow playing, story telling ways.
- All of our secondhand furniture.
- Free Slacker Radio (specifically the Billie Holiday and Classic Country Station).
- A freezer full of organic beef, pork, homemade quiche, and corn.
- Well stocked cupboards.
- Our line of credit which saves us in situations such as this.
- Being able to pay our bills.
- Our large front gate is finally fixed.
- The wood pile (that will keep us warm next winter) is slowly getting sawed, split, and piled by this wicked cool husband of mine.
- Only using 2-3% of our propane tank last winter.
- Our Hydro bill equal billing is going down.
- I found a way to shave $411 off our yearly home insurance premium.
- After much debate and research, we will be getting a white 2013 Nissan Rogue on Wednesday with a fair trade in price for our Versa.
- New cars, their warranties, and all their new bits and perks.
- Pachouli perfume.
- When Silas farts and grins a surprised grin while saying “Oops! I burped in my pants”.
- The return of our “honey bird” (hummingbird).
- Winnie the Pooh movies.
- The lilacs and peonies and apples that grow around our house.
- The two chickadees flitting about in the cedar tree as I write this.
- Nag Champa.
- I finally reached the bottom of dirty clothes mountain and found that was in fact the horrible smell lingering in our front room…ahem.
- Our two clothes lines.
- Every month, we get a little further out of debt…most of the time.
- Our interest free loans from parents.
- Friends.
- That the kids’ adoration and excitement for dandelions exceeds even my own.
- Being able to (slowly) build a new website and facebook page for Ellenberger Organic Farm. They help us in so many ways and we enjoy being able to pay them back in tiny tokens such as this…until we can pay them back for real.
- My anchor.
- Kind cottaging neighbours who don’t get mad when Huck goes for a swim at their cottage and tears around like an idiot.
- Our abundance of eggs.
- Lemon meringue pie.
- Play sand.
- Netflix.
I know I am just scratching the surface here, but it does make me feel better.
Now, a no complaining + no whining policy is in effect for the rest of the day.
I swear.
go gently + be wonderful
e.
Also posted in ellenberger organic farm, family, frugal living, homeschooling, homesteading, life, our cabin, wellness
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a birthday
Also posted in celebration
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fawned friday {the anniversary edition}
01) Happy 9 {dating} Years to my beloved.
02) Some great ways to have fun together.
03) There is just something about these words…
04) I know for certain that I am loved like this and will be until.
05) Good advice..
06) This song still takes me all the way back to the beginning.
07) A quiet meal shared.
08) We made up a tale of how we met here, but we really met here.
09) Truth.
10) Us in button form.
{fawned friday inspired by miss fawn}
Also posted in celebration, family, fawned fridays, life
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the tale of three rings
I think we would have been engaged sooner had Mike believed me the first time I said I didn’t want a traditional diamond engagement ring. Everything about it seemed ridiculous so it was a no-brainer for me. Although Mike agreed with all the reasons I was against a diamond, he didn’t want me to feel ripped off or resentful.
Shortly after we began talking about marriage, a patient came into our dental office with a lovely hammered silver and gold saddle ring on and I fell in love. She explained it had the Hebrew blessings: mazel tov, love, health, and prosperity engraved into the spinner. I knew I wanted it as an engagement ring so informed Mike that when the time came here was the ring, where to get it (I don’t think the company is still around, but Tinahdee carries similar styles) and my finger size. Romantic, I know, but he was grateful for the information. We’ve always been excessively practical.
It was months later when we were celebrating our 2 year dating anniversary in his hometown in Newfoundland. He was having the ring shipped to his mom’s house, but it didn’t arrive in time. We spent our anniversary in St. Johns and I was a little irked that he didn’t even get me a card. He didn’t have a back up plan so I teased him relentlessly not knowing he had the best present planned. He felt terrible, but couldn’t redeem himself until the ring arrived. The next day he asked me to go for a walk on the wharf after supper. While we stood on the pier, he pulled it out of his pocket, said something sweet that I don’t really remember. I cried and then we hugged. He didn’t get down on one knee; I would have giggled if he did. My mother-in-law later asked if we’d like to borrow a nicer ring until we could afford something better. We laughed because we were getting used to people thinking we were odd. We liked it that way.
We didn’t get married until 2 years later. A few weeks after our engagement I began dental hygiene school and money was tight. After I finished school we decided that we were tired of being asked when we would be married and discussing the many different ways to get hitched; we only cared about being married to each other; the rest was just details.
We set a date in June 2007; it was a Thursday. We bought two secondhand gold bands and had them re-sized. We had them engraved with “tsimhtsiy 2007″ or “The Spirit in Me Honours the Spirit in You”. I still love this ring, but I can’t wear it all the time as my skin gets irritated due to its width. It is quite bothersome when my hands swell too, which I seem to be prone to.
I wore jeans and he wore shorts. It was under the poplars and cedars of my mom and step father’s home that we were wed by the wonderful Age Smies. who read a lovely excerpt from The Veleteen Rabbit. We ate a simple picnic dinner of organic fare provided by my dad and stepmother and cupcakes we had made and decorated the night before. Everyone went home with a few homemade chocolate chips cookies packaged with care. The only thing we would have changed would be to have given Mike’s mom more notice so that perhaps she could have made it in from Newfoundland. We just feared if we waited longer it would get away on us; we wanted to keep it simple.
I couldn’t wear either rings during my pregnancies due to water retention, but it wasn’t a huge deal as Mike could never tolerate wearing his for more than a couple hours at a time. Looking for something I could wear more permanently, I found this set of rings from Tinahdee and admired it for some time. So when she contacted me about the blog sponsorship, I was over the moon with joy. I now have something traditional, but a little earthy to wear everyday. It fits my finger and personality wonderfully, I wear it all the time, and it is just the right width with the two thin bands together. Finally, a perfect match!
Mike still doesn’t wear his ring so it keeps my other two company in their carved wooden box. I don’t mind, I know he loves me.
go gently + be wonderful
e.
Also posted in celebration, life
Tagged age smies, gold silver, non traditional wedding band, rings, tinahdee, tinahdee beautiful jewelry, wedding
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for my anchor
To my anchor, with love;
T’was 8 1/2 years ago that I met a sweet boy in the woods; so unassuming, so beardless. I fed him granola bars and apple juice while he told me bad jokes and of his time spent in Africa.
I had no idea the joy and wonder that sweet beginning held; the children; the road trips; the growth; the tilling; the harvests; the kitchen dance parties; the tears; the belly laughs, the ukulele filled nights; the fires; the beard; the parenting; the stretching; the bending and breaking of rules; the homes; the comforts; the challenges. I am quite certain that I will look back on this day 8 1/2 years down the road and be just as amazed + grateful for this deep-rooted love.
After all these years I am still drunk with love.
And for the record, Home is wherever I’m with you.
go gently + be wonderful
e.
Also posted in celebration, life
4 Comments
Welcome
Hello and welcome to my new space.
This has been a most marvelous Christmas gift from Mike as it seems to have tapped into a new vein of inspiration and creativity. Streamlining and organizing has been helpful for mental clutter as well. I hope you like the changes as much as I do.
Last night, as we visited with friends, I stumbled on my words while trying to describe what I want this new space to be, when he smiled a knowing smile, and nodded.; “less questions; more answers” he said simply. Yes, in four words, he summed it up more eloquently than I could. The answers, after all, are right here; at the bottom of my coffee mug; in the branches of ancient trees, rocks and land; on the overflowing bookshelves; scribbled out on scraps of paper in a forgotten moment of inspiration; in the dirty smiling faces of my children; in the stolen touches.
As you can see, I have {once again} changed the blog name. I decided to go back to the beginning. Our tale began with a boy and girl who fell in love and began stitching a little life for themselves; one square at a time. A boy and his feather; a girl and her anchor. A sweet balance of stability and whimsy; patience and flight; steady calm and mad fluttering. We have made magic together {namely Poppy + Silas} and now find it is this blessed little life we’ve been stitching all along is what keeps us warm even on the coldest of nights.
So yes, the name has changed because it helps me honour the beginning; respect the journey and look forward to the path winding ahead of us with soft eyes and a grateful heart.
Yes, I think I shall stay here. I hope you’ll join me.
Be sure to join me again tomorrow when I announce a festive giveaway!
Until then
go gently + be wonderful
e.
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Also posted in celebration, family, frugal living, homeschooling, homesteading, life, photography + writing, recipes, tutorials + DIY, wellness
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tilling the land
After pounding a metal stake into our rocky, uneven ground for what felt like forever, Dad and Mike arrived at the conclusion that this was the chosen location for our vegetable garden. I hate cutting down any sort of tree, but dad comforted me by telling me that none of the trees in a large clump would do well so we cut out the scrub and brush trees to the right to allow the cedar to flourish and clear a path for the sunlight space for the new garden.
After searching our local sawmills and lumber stores for fence posts and being turned off by the high prices for delivery and each piece we thought we may as well use the trees we had already cut for this purpose. They are a little gnarled and crooked and I am not sure how long they will last in wet ground, but I think it will add a touch of whimsy to our wabi sabi garden. I have seen four poster beds made from entire trees and envision something similar with chimes and vines growing up and through without blocking too much sun.
We rented a tiller from the local hardware store and Mike was able to tear up the sod and soil through it took a long time and a great deal of muscle, but once he found his rhythm it went smoothly. The bugs were too intense for the kids and I so I went inside out of pure frustration. Mike is a freak of nature and though the bugs will bite him, he never gets itchy or swollen. The kids and I are eaten alive and then driven insane with the itch.
I enjoy witnessing this man come into his own. I watched him wrestle with the soil while I made supper and tended to the house and children. I felt useless and impotent as I baked cookies and watched the bugs swarm around him, but I couldn’t help but think he was in flat out, bloody battle with his own demons and insecurities. I decided he was better off without me there micromanaging and giggling at him. It took a little longer, but he was able to come to his own conclusions and is better for it in the end.
Then he realized I was out there taking his picture and danced and posed appropriately.
Our efforts to get a garden in on time this year have been slowed by the wet weather, lack of truck or trailer, the kids, and the bugs. It is another wet and rainy Saturday so we haven’t been able to till in the compost and manure with the tiller; we’ll have to do it by hand. The post holes need to be dug, the posts need to be cut and placed. The fence needs to be attached and then we will finally be able to plant.
We feel like we are running in water; expending great amounts of energy, without much progress. But I am reminded of the quote “Nothing in nature rushes, yet everything is accomplished”.
Slowly, we are making this land and home our own.
We intend to be here forever, so we’ve got time.
Keep walking, though there’s no place to get to.
Don’t try to see through the distances.
That’s not for human beings.
Move within, but don’t move the way fear makes you move.
Rumi
go gently + be wonderful
e.
Also posted in homesteading, life, our cabin, photography + writing, Uncategorized
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my bearded valentine
Sometimes, between the bathing and reading and playing and soothing we forget to make eye contact.
We move like a well oiled machine most days.
Like the wheels on a train.
we’re connected;
in unison;
with the same destination;
yet parallel.
But sometimes, like when we’re dancing in the kitchen or sharing a joke, you catch my eye and
my heart skips a beat.
You still make me weak in the knees.
Today I am remembering the crazy cute couple behind the crazy cute kids
and the small empire my bearded Valentine and I have built with
good
old fashioned
love.
Just as is engraved on the wedding bands we never wear:
:: the spirit in me honours the spirit in you ::
e.
Also posted in celebration, family, life
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thirty seven weeks + three days
Also posted in family, life, photography + writing
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be gentle with yourself
Maybe it was the heat. Maybe it was the neighbour’s terrible loud music that played all afternoon. Maybe it was the 1000th headbutt from Poppy. Maybe it was the 2000th yell/grunt to get something she wants instead of using words. Maybe it was the dogs staring blankly or ignoring me altogether when I try to stop their barking. Maybe it was Mike questioning everything I asked him to do. Maybe it was having a toddler climb up me as I tried to enjoy my chicken and quinoa. Maybe it was the glass crashing to the floor or the open faced jam sandwich hitting the floor. Maybe it was the dishes in the sink or the slimy piece of tomato Poppy spit out for me to step on. Maybe I just felt like a big, fat, pregnant meat-suit tired of never getting a moment of peace to herself.
Maybe I felt invisible. Maybe I felt used. Maybe, after giving and trying to be everything all at once for so long, I finally broke.
It was as quick as lightening and all that remained was me in a weeping heap, a shocked husband, daughter and dog, and the distinct smell of ozone. Every ache, every hurt, every guilt, and every inadequacy swelled up and poured out of me. I was embarrassed and silent for what felt like a long time until Mike, with a slow and gentle hand, reached over and touched me as if I were a wounded and frightened animal. One touch to let me know he heard me; he got me; it was ok; I was forgiven, without words.
“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”
- Dinah Craik (1826-1887), English poet and novelist
Be gentle with yourself so you can, in turn, be gentle with those you love.
e.
Also posted in family, life, wellness
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